Tuesday, January 31
Monday, January 30
O.F.G
O.F.G (exclamation): a relatively new part of the Murphstein dialect, meaning "Oy Fucking Gevault." To be used as an expression of disbelief at the extent of ridiculous-ness/shitty-ness/absurd-ness that surrounds you. Context: "The cat pooped in the punch again?! O.F.G!"
7:30a I wake up. I wake up this early not for work or for fun, but because at some point yesterday, I lost my car key. To be specific, the piece of metal that flips out of my unlock/lock keypad and serves as my ignition key just fell out.
Just, "Bye bye, Olivia. We had a nice run and now I'm out-ies." Just GONE. I unlocked my car after work, put my bag in the trunk, got in, flipped up my key and went "whaaaaa?!?"
Why? How? All unknown. Result? My baby little bug had to stay at work while Mona came and picked me up and we went home.
And since it was Sunday, no locksmiths were working and no VW dealership's service departments were open. Which is why I woke up at 7:30a. To call locksmiths/VW dealerships.
7:45a I talk to Carl the Grumpy Yet Helpful Locksmith and he agrees to try and get the VW powers-that-be to tell him what my car's ignition pattern is so that he and I can meet at the Bug and he can make me a new key.
9:15a Mona and I leave The Manor together, since she was driving me to the theater so (hopefully) Carl the Grumpy could come and fix my car.
10:20a I give up on waiting for Carl the Grumpy to call me back and call him. The VW powers-that-be had not contacted him and we made an appointment to fix my life sometime tomorrow. Which, while good, was also bad because I had some nannying to get to on the other side of town like ASAP.
10:28a I have printed up a TriMet description of the route I should take and am ready to board my first of three buses to take me to nannying in an estimated 66min, making me just about on time for an 11:30a arrival.
10:42a I get off at the wrong stop, immediately realize it was wrong and still do not manage to get back on my original bus.
10:57a A new bus picks me up and I'm now about 15 min behind schedule. I call Zo's dad and tell him I'll be a little late, apologizing profusely.
11:10a My bus breaks down (practically) right outside Mona's work. I'm only a few blocks away from where I would have gotten off anyway, but I'm in a part of town I don't know so I decide to just put on my big girl panties and figure it out.
11:12a I'm lost.
11:17a I'm still lost.
11:28a I decide to stand at a bus stop and ask the next bus driver who come by to tell me how to get a bus to St. Johns.
11:34a A very nice bus driver with a (miraculously) empty bus arrives and offers to give me a ride to the stop I should have been at more than half an hour ago.
11:45a I wait for this bus
11:53a I wait for the bus
12:12a I am finally on the right bus headed the right way and I call Zo's dad, falling over myself apologizing. This is the moment that he decides to tell me that he doesn't actually have to go to work today and you know what, Olivia, it's fine if you don't come - actually, you should probably not.
12:13a I sit on the phone with him in silence
12:13a John asks if that's okay?
12:13a Yes, sure.
12:13a Okay, great - see you Thursday.
12:15a I get off the bus in St. Johns and kinda stand at the corner, a little lost for what to do.
12:20a I walk into a coffee shop and sit down, pull out my computer work and think "Oy fucking gevault."
Monday, January 30th: O.F.G.
(In case my description just made no sense, look at this)
 |
| Yes, that little stick of metal is the source of my woes |
Why? How? All unknown. Result? My baby little bug had to stay at work while Mona came and picked me up and we went home.
And since it was Sunday, no locksmiths were working and no VW dealership's service departments were open. Which is why I woke up at 7:30a. To call locksmiths/VW dealerships.
7:45a I talk to Carl the Grumpy Yet Helpful Locksmith and he agrees to try and get the VW powers-that-be to tell him what my car's ignition pattern is so that he and I can meet at the Bug and he can make me a new key.
9:15a Mona and I leave The Manor together, since she was driving me to the theater so (hopefully) Carl the Grumpy could come and fix my car.
10:20a I give up on waiting for Carl the Grumpy to call me back and call him. The VW powers-that-be had not contacted him and we made an appointment to fix my life sometime tomorrow. Which, while good, was also bad because I had some nannying to get to on the other side of town like ASAP.
10:28a I have printed up a TriMet description of the route I should take and am ready to board my first of three buses to take me to nannying in an estimated 66min, making me just about on time for an 11:30a arrival.
10:42a I get off at the wrong stop, immediately realize it was wrong and still do not manage to get back on my original bus.
10:57a A new bus picks me up and I'm now about 15 min behind schedule. I call Zo's dad and tell him I'll be a little late, apologizing profusely.
11:10a My bus breaks down (practically) right outside Mona's work. I'm only a few blocks away from where I would have gotten off anyway, but I'm in a part of town I don't know so I decide to just put on my big girl panties and figure it out.
11:12a I'm lost.
11:17a I'm still lost.
11:28a I decide to stand at a bus stop and ask the next bus driver who come by to tell me how to get a bus to St. Johns.
11:34a A very nice bus driver with a (miraculously) empty bus arrives and offers to give me a ride to the stop I should have been at more than half an hour ago.
11:45a I wait for this bus
11:53a I wait for the bus
12:12a I am finally on the right bus headed the right way and I call Zo's dad, falling over myself apologizing. This is the moment that he decides to tell me that he doesn't actually have to go to work today and you know what, Olivia, it's fine if you don't come - actually, you should probably not.
12:13a I sit on the phone with him in silence
12:13a John asks if that's okay?
12:13a Yes, sure.
12:13a Okay, great - see you Thursday.
12:15a I get off the bus in St. Johns and kinda stand at the corner, a little lost for what to do.
12:20a I walk into a coffee shop and sit down, pull out my computer work and think "Oy fucking gevault."
Friday, January 27
On ramp: 405 N
When I leave the theater to go watch Zo, I take the 405 N exit off of 14th St, downtown. Yesterday, someone left some sort of sports shoe on the divider that separates the on ramp from the rest of the freeway. It has fallen on it's side, angled so that only the sole is visible to the cars on the on ramp. It's a black shoe with a steak of orange in the middle of the sole. Maybe it is a logo or a pattern of some kind but I drive by so fast I can't tell.
Today I thought it was an enormous monarch butterfly.
Today I thought it was an enormous monarch butterfly.
Thursday, January 26
Rehearsal Secrets
There is a scene in Circle Mirror Transformation in which every character writes down a secret on a strip of paper and the teacher re-distributes the secrets to be read aloud by a different character, thereby making each secret (essentially) anonymous.
Every time we rehearse this scene (which is a lot), each of my actors has a set amount of time, with a strip of paper and a pencil, in which they have to act like they are writing. So most (all?) of them do. Over the course of the four weeks we've been rehearsing, we have collected a fair amount of Rehearsal Secrets. (I think of them with capitals like they're Rehearsal Props, only better because they don't need to be tracked and they're, well, secrets.)
Recently, the actress playing Theresa and I have decided that we want to keep these Rehearsal Secrets. We now have a place on our call board for them and I spent part of this morning looking through them.
I'm so impressed that my actors have continually opened these, read whatever ridiculous-ness is written there, and then said their line with a straight face. Yesterday was the first time someone broke and I think Richard (who plays James) was unfortunate enough to get the second Rehearsal Secret I've posted below.
Most of the Rehearsal Secrets are silly but some serious, and I feel like the mix is just a little, well, perfect.
"I haven't done laundry in a month."
"I have anal warts."
"What if a robot and a mermaid fell in love? Can it work?"
"I have a problempossibleaddiction with being in love with Theresa."
"Sometimes I like to put my finger in my belly button and then smell it."
"I still wet the bed sometimes. And that sucks."
"I can't do anything right."
"I could eat corndogs every day. They are so delicious."
Every time we rehearse this scene (which is a lot), each of my actors has a set amount of time, with a strip of paper and a pencil, in which they have to act like they are writing. So most (all?) of them do. Over the course of the four weeks we've been rehearsing, we have collected a fair amount of Rehearsal Secrets. (I think of them with capitals like they're Rehearsal Props, only better because they don't need to be tracked and they're, well, secrets.)
Recently, the actress playing Theresa and I have decided that we want to keep these Rehearsal Secrets. We now have a place on our call board for them and I spent part of this morning looking through them.
 |
| The Call Board |
I'm so impressed that my actors have continually opened these, read whatever ridiculous-ness is written there, and then said their line with a straight face. Yesterday was the first time someone broke and I think Richard (who plays James) was unfortunate enough to get the second Rehearsal Secret I've posted below.
Most of the Rehearsal Secrets are silly but some serious, and I feel like the mix is just a little, well, perfect.
 |
| Rehearsal Secrets |
"I haven't done laundry in a month."
"I have anal warts."
"What if a robot and a mermaid fell in love? Can it work?"
"I have a problempossibleaddiction with being in love with Theresa."
"Sometimes I like to put my finger in my belly button and then smell it."
"I still wet the bed sometimes. And that sucks."
"I can't do anything right."
"I could eat corndogs every day. They are so delicious."
Tuesday, January 24
Suggestions?
My next tech week is right around the corner and I'm going to repeat my Sherlock Tech Blog Experiment, only with a better subject this time. (The last one was fairly lame, I know.)
SO: what do you all (probably just Maria and Carly and Treds) want to hear my sleep-deprived self write about every night after tech for a week?
Open to any and all suggestions.
SO: what do you all (probably just Maria and Carly and Treds) want to hear my sleep-deprived self write about every night after tech for a week?
Open to any and all suggestions.
Wednesday, January 18
Tuesday, January 17
Borrowing Worry
Today was a very long day.
Today was the first of what will be a month of very long days for me. I spent most of today feeling all my pre-worry worries about just how stressful this month will be, afraid of losing my cool, nervous about this insane schedule I've made for myself. I have habit of borrowing worry from the future, which is always counter-productive because by the time I get to the future, none of my past worrying turns out to help me at all. I worry then too.
All of this to say that I spent today spinning myself a little web of intricate knots of worry and came home and wrote my very first rehearsal report since college. I picked up a new template from A.R.T, some numbering tricks from SSC and volia! A rehearsal report. The staple of a stage manager's job and how the machine of a rehearsal process runs - rehearsal hall to designers and back again.
I finished my first-ever-all-on-my-own-grown-up rehearsal report and actually smiled. Say what you will, I think an organized, clear, and well-structured document is an accomplishment. Here's mine.
Today was the first of what will be a month of very long days for me. I spent most of today feeling all my pre-worry worries about just how stressful this month will be, afraid of losing my cool, nervous about this insane schedule I've made for myself. I have habit of borrowing worry from the future, which is always counter-productive because by the time I get to the future, none of my past worrying turns out to help me at all. I worry then too.
All of this to say that I spent today spinning myself a little web of intricate knots of worry and came home and wrote my very first rehearsal report since college. I picked up a new template from A.R.T, some numbering tricks from SSC and volia! A rehearsal report. The staple of a stage manager's job and how the machine of a rehearsal process runs - rehearsal hall to designers and back again.
I finished my first-ever-all-on-my-own-grown-up rehearsal report and actually smiled. Say what you will, I think an organized, clear, and well-structured document is an accomplishment. Here's mine.
 |
| ALD RR #1 |
Monday, January 16
Merry Happy
I haven't listened to this song in a while, but it came on my shuffle while I did the dishes tonight. It immediately brought back memories of a particular dance with a particular friend - how drunk we were that night, how sad we both were, how unbelievably important it was for us to just be in the same room as the other one.
One of the lyrics really hit me tonight, my arms all covered in soap bubbles: "Talking on the phone/can't take back those hours/ but I won't regret/ because you can grow flowers/ where dirt used to be."
Focus now: grow flowers.
As a side note:
1. We have finally picked a name for our residence, thanks to Nick Shoepepper. We are The Manor. (Nice, right?)
2. A Moment from The Manor: "Does me cleaning your man's old Christmas fruit cake absolve the debt of you cleaning my man's vomit?"
"...Maybe. I know how bad that cake was."
One of the lyrics really hit me tonight, my arms all covered in soap bubbles: "Talking on the phone/can't take back those hours/ but I won't regret/ because you can grow flowers/ where dirt used to be."
Focus now: grow flowers.
As a side note:
1. We have finally picked a name for our residence, thanks to Nick Shoepepper. We are The Manor. (Nice, right?)
2. A Moment from The Manor: "Does me cleaning your man's old Christmas fruit cake absolve the debt of you cleaning my man's vomit?"
"...Maybe. I know how bad that cake was."
Thursday, January 12
Today
I caught the sunset today from the St. John's bridge - my favorite of Portland's ten that cross the Willamette. I was driving west, which means I had left the town of St. John behind and was driving into a mountain of evergreen, with the sun behind it and streaks of pink stretching out towards me. The sight slowed me down and found myself with my mouth open, just gaping at it.
The bridge itself is so high above the river I always cross it with a sense of wonder; I feel like I'm momentarily in a story, making my way across a green bridge through the clouds.
Looking East
(This is someone else's photo of bridge at the end of the day - but apropos to my post tonight.)
Looking West
Oh, the Pacific North West, you slay me sometimes.
There are moments when I look around me and ask, "Do I really get to live here? For real?"
The bridge itself is so high above the river I always cross it with a sense of wonder; I feel like I'm momentarily in a story, making my way across a green bridge through the clouds.
(This is someone else's photo of bridge at the end of the day - but apropos to my post tonight.)
Oh, the Pacific North West, you slay me sometimes.
There are moments when I look around me and ask, "Do I really get to live here? For real?"
Tuesday, January 10
A Letter
Dear Circle Mirror Transformation Rehearsal Process,
I know we've only been together for a week, but I already feel like we have a strong relationship building. I like you and I think you like me and we haven't even gotten drunk together yet.
Every day when you and I first see each other, we dance around like fools to "wake our bodies up." I put this in quotes because I don't believe this your actual intention, CMTRP. I think you have us dance around like fools just so I get the joy of seeing Allen, my director and Artist Rep's artistic director, dance. Because Allen dancing is pure joy. He smiles the whole time. I think you know this, CMTRP, and you set up this daily dance-a-thon just to show the world the sunshine that is Allen dancing.
Then you and I play a variety of theater games and connect to our inner selves, which is not something I'm used to doing often, much less everyday. Sometimes this makes me feel awkward and sometimes I giggle obnoxiously because I feel awkward. To be honest, CMTRP, this is when I feel our relationship is a bit strained. This when I end up thinking about people who've hurt me, or people I'm afraid to lose. This is when I think about my grandfather or Liliana and this often makes me sad and sometimes I wish I wasn't with you, CMTRP. I usually need the break to get over this feeling.
After games, we get to work you and I. Work is definitely and undoubtedly what we're doing, but it falls into the category of fun as well. Allen and Beth and Val and Jason and Danielle and Richard and Stephanie and Caitlin and I are a silly bunch. We do silly things. Sometimes I write those things down, so I can better remember the good times when we hit a hard patch. Because, CMTRP, I know we will. I know that there will be days that I want to tear my hair out because you're being fussy. And I know there will be nights when I can't sleep because I have anxiety dreams over your props or your quick changes. I had those days with all my last Rehearsal Process boyfriends, and I know they're ahead for us too. But for now? For now, CMTRP, I'm liking you tons and I just wanted you to know.
With affection,
your PA/ASM
Monday, January 9
Easy like Sunday Morning
0. Wake up at 11am because I can.
1. Pancakes - sprinkle pancakes
2. The water's off? The water's off! The Russian lady says It'll Come Back On Soon and lo and behold: it does.
3. Major Sale Win Day at Safeway - yogurt! ants on a log! potato bread!
4. Clean the apartment with the Wife
5. Thai Chili Jam for dinner and the couple on a date across from table had some serious groping going on. Like, at the table, over the shirt, he cupped and held her, ladies and gentlemen.
6. Went to catch an invited dress at PCS with New Friend David and Nick Shoepepper. The show was: ehh, the space was: wooah (They pay their PA's $14 AN HOUR. THEY PAY PER HOUR THERE.)
7. Raced down another VW Bug down Burnside on East side, thanks to Nick SHoepepper's proddings.
8. Won said drag race. DUH.
9. Took New Friend David to his soon to be no-home home.
10. Ate gelt with Shoepepper and the wife
11. Changed my sheets to flannel sheets, one of the three gifts left in the minivan by the robbers.
12. Write non-nonsensical blog post
13. Feel meta
14. Go to sleep
1. Pancakes - sprinkle pancakes
2. The water's off? The water's off! The Russian lady says It'll Come Back On Soon and lo and behold: it does.
3. Major Sale Win Day at Safeway - yogurt! ants on a log! potato bread!
4. Clean the apartment with the Wife
5. Thai Chili Jam for dinner and the couple on a date across from table had some serious groping going on. Like, at the table, over the shirt, he cupped and held her, ladies and gentlemen.
6. Went to catch an invited dress at PCS with New Friend David and Nick Shoepepper. The show was: ehh, the space was: wooah (They pay their PA's $14 AN HOUR. THEY PAY PER HOUR THERE.)
7. Raced down another VW Bug down Burnside on East side, thanks to Nick SHoepepper's proddings.
8. Won said drag race. DUH.
9. Took New Friend David to his soon to be no-home home.
10. Ate gelt with Shoepepper and the wife
11. Changed my sheets to flannel sheets, one of the three gifts left in the minivan by the robbers.
12. Write non-nonsensical blog post
13. Feel meta
14. Go to sleep
Friday, January 6
Daily Dialogue
Some good quotes from rehearsal so far...
About Circle Mirror:
"Some of [your characters] may have come to this class thinking it was an acting class, not realizing it was a life class." - My director
Banter:
"Public pubic."
"That's right, double dangerous."
About acting, when you know you've got it right:
"You're flying without a net and you think 'I don't care if there's a god damn net. I don't need a net.'"
About growing up:
"I just got over myself and decided to join the human race."
Banter:
"I think he opened the door for putting on the lace panties."
More Banter:
"I say to [my husband] all the time: 'It's not you and I that don't get along - it's your dad and my mom.'"
About men who think they know you just cause you let them stay the night:
"Naked does not knowing make."
And finally, not from our rehearsal but from tech happening down the hall:
"Now if only I could find a margarita the size of my face..."
About Circle Mirror:
"Some of [your characters] may have come to this class thinking it was an acting class, not realizing it was a life class." - My director
Banter:
"Public pubic."
"That's right, double dangerous."
About acting, when you know you've got it right:
"You're flying without a net and you think 'I don't care if there's a god damn net. I don't need a net.'"
About growing up:
"I just got over myself and decided to join the human race."
Banter:
"I think he opened the door for putting on the lace panties."
More Banter:
"I say to [my husband] all the time: 'It's not you and I that don't get along - it's your dad and my mom.'"
About men who think they know you just cause you let them stay the night:
"Naked does not knowing make."
And finally, not from our rehearsal but from tech happening down the hall:
"Now if only I could find a margarita the size of my face..."
Thursday, January 5
Nancy Drew and the Case of the Phantom Train
First Read
Tonight was our first read for Circle Mirror Transformation. I got to tell you, this show is well cast. I mean, really well cast. I love it already and we were just sitting in a circle, reading.
The actor who is playing Schultz especially struck me. At first I thought it was just him, but after the rehearsal was over I was talking to my intern about the show and I told her that it made me sad. She was SO surprised. She said "But it made me feel so light!" - which is just the way I felt when I worked on it the first time, at Bennington. It makes me wonder if I'm just in a Schultz-y place right now.
The part of the play that really stuck out to me tonight was the very end, when Lauren and Schultz talk to one another. I thought I'd include a bit of it here.
LAUREN: Hey. Um. This is kind of weird -- but do you ever wonder how many times your life is gonna end?
(Another silence)
SCHULTZ: Uh... I'm not sure I know what/you...
LAUREN: Like how many people you're... like how many times your life is gonna totally change and then, like, start all over again? And you'll feel like what happened before wasn't real and what's happening now is actually...
(She trails off)
SCHULTZ: Uh... I don't know. I guess I feel like my life is pretty real.
LAUREN: .... Yeah.
By my count, my life has ended at least 12 times.
Gentlemen Callers
No news is good news at this point and the news today is that one gentleman is trying to make a comeback into my life and he's not the one I want to be trying.
And isn't that always just it? You have curly hair, you want straight, you have oranges, you want apples. I know it does neither of these guys any favors when I stand them up side by side, the way I always do. I guess it's hard not to. But when this one texts me just to say hi, to tell me he bought a new car, to remind me I'm beautiful - I think about how I don't hear from the other at all.
I just feel like mushing them up, dispersing their qualities and making them into two different people: one I could actually talk to and one I can ignore.
The Phantom Train
There is train somewhere nearby Mona and I's apartment. I emphasize the somewhere because in all my wanderings of SE Portland I have never ever seen any form of train tracks. This is why we call it The Phantom Train.
The Phantom Train only runs at night. Everything outside gets quiet and then comes the eerie noise of The Phantom Train, creeping in through our bedroom windows. We know what direction it's in, but do not know where it could be. We don't hear it every night but there is no mistaking it when we do - it seems fairly close by.
There have been so many nights when I lay in my bed and stare at the bare branches of the tree outside, wondering where the train tracks are and where my Phantom Train is going.
Tonight was our first read for Circle Mirror Transformation. I got to tell you, this show is well cast. I mean, really well cast. I love it already and we were just sitting in a circle, reading.
The actor who is playing Schultz especially struck me. At first I thought it was just him, but after the rehearsal was over I was talking to my intern about the show and I told her that it made me sad. She was SO surprised. She said "But it made me feel so light!" - which is just the way I felt when I worked on it the first time, at Bennington. It makes me wonder if I'm just in a Schultz-y place right now.
The part of the play that really stuck out to me tonight was the very end, when Lauren and Schultz talk to one another. I thought I'd include a bit of it here.
LAUREN: Hey. Um. This is kind of weird -- but do you ever wonder how many times your life is gonna end?
(Another silence)
SCHULTZ: Uh... I'm not sure I know what/you...
LAUREN: Like how many people you're... like how many times your life is gonna totally change and then, like, start all over again? And you'll feel like what happened before wasn't real and what's happening now is actually...
(She trails off)
SCHULTZ: Uh... I don't know. I guess I feel like my life is pretty real.
LAUREN: .... Yeah.
By my count, my life has ended at least 12 times.
Gentlemen Callers
No news is good news at this point and the news today is that one gentleman is trying to make a comeback into my life and he's not the one I want to be trying.
And isn't that always just it? You have curly hair, you want straight, you have oranges, you want apples. I know it does neither of these guys any favors when I stand them up side by side, the way I always do. I guess it's hard not to. But when this one texts me just to say hi, to tell me he bought a new car, to remind me I'm beautiful - I think about how I don't hear from the other at all.
I just feel like mushing them up, dispersing their qualities and making them into two different people: one I could actually talk to and one I can ignore.
The Phantom Train
There is train somewhere nearby Mona and I's apartment. I emphasize the somewhere because in all my wanderings of SE Portland I have never ever seen any form of train tracks. This is why we call it The Phantom Train.
The Phantom Train only runs at night. Everything outside gets quiet and then comes the eerie noise of The Phantom Train, creeping in through our bedroom windows. We know what direction it's in, but do not know where it could be. We don't hear it every night but there is no mistaking it when we do - it seems fairly close by.
There have been so many nights when I lay in my bed and stare at the bare branches of the tree outside, wondering where the train tracks are and where my Phantom Train is going.
Tuesday, January 3
Twilight: the remix
My dear friend Connie sent me a link today (http://io9.com/5872490/if-famous-writers-had-written-twilight) to an article entitled "If Famous Writers had Written Twilight." Some of them are funny and it's definitely worth a glance.
In any case, I've written a few of my own, just for fun. And when I say "a few", I'm sure you know exactly who I chose...
If the Bronte sisters had written Twilight
Charlotte
Edward and Bella meet and fall passionately in love but Bella cannot reconcile herself to a life as one of the undead. She escapes instead, nearly starves and is taken in by Jacob's Native American tribe. Jacob purposes to her but Edward runs across the country at vampire speed and hoarsely whispers her name in her ear. She returns to Edward, even though he's blind.
And somewhere in there she moves to Belgium and wears a pink dress.
Emily
Edward and Bella meet and fall chaotically in love but Bella knows she cannot be with him because he's vampire. He runs away in a fit of rage, kills some people and steals their money and return to find Bella married to Jacob. Edward proceeds to ruin the lives of everyone around him or Bella, including her cat.
Once Bella dies he does not have he turned into a vampire but does whisper sweet nothings to her corpse.
Anne
Bella meets a nice preacher named Harold. She's pretty poor but he marries her anyway. He asks her mother's permission while she's in another room putting on her bonnet.
In any case, I've written a few of my own, just for fun. And when I say "a few", I'm sure you know exactly who I chose...
If the Bronte sisters had written Twilight
Charlotte
Edward and Bella meet and fall passionately in love but Bella cannot reconcile herself to a life as one of the undead. She escapes instead, nearly starves and is taken in by Jacob's Native American tribe. Jacob purposes to her but Edward runs across the country at vampire speed and hoarsely whispers her name in her ear. She returns to Edward, even though he's blind.
And somewhere in there she moves to Belgium and wears a pink dress.
Emily
Edward and Bella meet and fall chaotically in love but Bella knows she cannot be with him because he's vampire. He runs away in a fit of rage, kills some people and steals their money and return to find Bella married to Jacob. Edward proceeds to ruin the lives of everyone around him or Bella, including her cat.
Once Bella dies he does not have he turned into a vampire but does whisper sweet nothings to her corpse.
Anne
Bella meets a nice preacher named Harold. She's pretty poor but he marries her anyway. He asks her mother's permission while she's in another room putting on her bonnet.
(and why the hell not...)
Branwell
Edward is tortured by his love for Bella as she toys with him in front of her rich, powerful and idiotic husband, Jacob. He convinces himself that her love is true nonetheless and drinks every night. Every night.
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