Twilight: the remix

My dear friend Connie sent me a link today (http://io9.com/5872490/if-famous-writers-had-written-twilight) to an article entitled "If Famous Writers had Written Twilight."  Some of them are funny and it's definitely worth a glance.
In any case, I've written a few of my own, just for fun. And when I say "a few", I'm sure you know exactly who I chose...


If the Bronte sisters had written Twilight

Charlotte
Edward and Bella meet and fall passionately in love but Bella cannot reconcile herself to a life as one of the undead. She escapes instead, nearly starves and is taken in by Jacob's Native American tribe. Jacob purposes to her but Edward runs across the country at vampire speed and hoarsely whispers her name in her ear. She returns to Edward, even though he's blind.
And somewhere in there she moves to Belgium and wears a pink dress.

Emily 
Edward and Bella meet and fall chaotically in love but Bella knows she cannot be with him because he's vampire. He runs away in a fit of rage, kills some people and steals their money and return to find Bella married to Jacob. Edward proceeds to ruin the lives of everyone around him or Bella, including her cat.
Once Bella dies he does not have he turned into a vampire but does whisper sweet nothings to her corpse.

Anne
Bella meets a nice preacher named Harold. She's pretty poor but he marries her anyway. He asks her mother's permission while she's in another room putting on her bonnet.

(and why the hell not...)

Branwell

Edward is tortured by his love for Bella as she toys with him in front of her rich, powerful and idiotic husband, Jacob. He convinces himself that her love is true nonetheless and drinks every night. Every night.