Kindness in Kiwis

I was reduced to tears tonight, kneeling in front of my refrigerator.

My best friend sent me a perishable package, which my roommate unloaded into the fridge when it arrived this afternoon. My roommate texted me at work and told to check the bottom crisper drawer when I got home. I had no idea what to expect.

Why I found was vegetables and fruits. So many fruits and vegetables, the drawer was tightly packed: oranges, apples, parsley, kale, radishes, celery, kiwi. All of them delicious, vibrant, fresh.

I think I started sobbing for a lot of reasons. Today has been a hungry day; one of the days when I plan out my meals and count up my points and nothing leaves me satisfied and yet I have nothing left to eat. These are the days I try to leave my rehearsal reports for the morning, so I can just go to bed and avoid snacking. Today had been a hungry day and seeing all this beautiful food that I could eat without guilt overwhelmed me.

Part of it is that I have been so busy between my three jobs that I haven't had a chance to clean my room, much less do laundry, much less go grocery shopping. So here was the answer to a problem and it was so lovely because, often, in my life, I am the problem solver for other people. The reverse is rare.

Part of it is that I'm exhausted, and I have often sat down on my kitchen floor and cried for that reason alone.

And mostly, I think I sat and sobbed for a good fifteen minutes because I haven't been very proud of myself this week. I haven't been the best person I can be, and I'm beginning to think not even a particularly good one. Mona knows all this. And she still sent me this wonderful gift. And she still thinks I deserve it. God knows why, or how, but she does. That knowledge is really what left me weeping into my open refrigerator, clutching a kiwi to my chest. Because she knows how ugly it is sometimes and she still thinks its beautiful.