Nancy Drew and the Case of the Phantom Train

First Read
Tonight was our first read for Circle Mirror Transformation. I got to tell you, this show is well cast. I mean, really well cast. I love it already and we were just sitting in a circle, reading.
The actor who is playing Schultz especially struck me. At first I thought it was just him, but after the rehearsal was over I was talking to my intern about the show and I told her that it made me sad. She was SO surprised. She said "But it made me feel so light!" - which is just the way I felt when I worked on it the first time, at Bennington. It makes me wonder if I'm just in a Schultz-y place right now.
The part of the play that really stuck out to me tonight was the very end, when Lauren and Schultz talk to one another. I thought I'd include a bit of it here.

LAUREN: Hey. Um. This is kind of weird -- but do you ever wonder how many times your life is gonna end?
(Another silence)
SCHULTZ: Uh... I'm not sure I know what/you...
LAUREN: Like how many people you're... like how many times your life is gonna totally change and then, like, start all over again? And you'll feel like what happened before wasn't real and what's happening now is actually...
(She trails off)
SCHULTZ: Uh... I don't know. I guess I feel like my life is pretty real.
LAUREN: .... Yeah.

By my count, my life has ended at least 12 times.

Gentlemen Callers
No news is good news at this point and the news today is that one gentleman is trying to make a comeback into my life and he's not the one I want to be trying.
And isn't that always just it? You have curly hair, you want straight, you have oranges, you want apples. I know it does neither of these guys any favors when I stand them up side by side, the way I always do. I guess it's hard not to. But when this one texts me just to say hi, to tell me he bought a new car, to remind me I'm beautiful - I think about how I don't hear from the other at all.
I just feel like mushing them up, dispersing their qualities and  making them into two different people: one I could actually talk to and one I can ignore.

The Phantom Train
There is train somewhere nearby Mona and I's apartment. I emphasize the somewhere because in all my wanderings of SE Portland I have never ever seen any form of train tracks. This is why we call it The Phantom Train.
The Phantom Train only runs at night. Everything outside gets quiet and then comes the eerie noise of The Phantom Train, creeping in through our bedroom windows. We know what direction it's in, but do not know where it could be. We don't hear it every night but there is no mistaking it when we do - it seems fairly close by.
There have been so many nights when I lay in my bed and stare at the bare branches of the tree outside, wondering where the train tracks are and where my Phantom Train is going.