Goodnight, Moon

... goodnight, bowl of mush ...goodnight, old woman whispering "Hush."

Before I say goodnight, here are a few things I've been thinking about lately:

Country Music

Specifically: how I would listen a lot more consistently if there were less (to borrow a vocab word from Mary Chapin Carpenter) jingoistic and violently prejudice/ignorant/religious lyrics.

[Editor's Note: this is not to say that violence, prejudice, ignorance and religion are all the same thing, but that this media links them with alarming regularity.]

The Outlander Series

Specifically: how I can't wait to talk to my mother about the theories of time travel/one's ability to alter history that are presented in these books.

Being An Adult

Specifically: how to make scary and seemingly-life-altering decisions without giving yourself an ulcer. 

More specifically: how to decide how you want to make those decisions; emotions or logic?

Bennington 

In the snow. 

Specifically: kicking up snow while crossing commons lawn on nights when the cold makes a ring around the moon.

Relationships

Specifically: those of the people around me.

I think about when you know what you want and how you go about getting it. I think about body language and missed signals and devotion. I think about devotion a lot and about how it can make some people foolish and some endearing. 

Air mattresses and brown paper packages tied up with string. 

Air mattresses and vegan cookies and wire rings.

More specifically: mine

What do I want now? I've recently spent time with two men and learned what I don't want: emotional unavailability, continual inconsistency and games NOR someone who can't spark my interest, bad diction and nothing in common. 

But these men have also let me see a bit of what I do want: immediate ease/comfort, intimacy and joy in each other AND generosity, clear/direct expression of thought (albeit hampered by bad diction) and desire.

I'm left with an Ikea mattress and no one in it but me.

Candles

Specifically: how the red-ish pink-y ones from Ikea smell great. Or how I want another rose scented candle but I think Bi-Mart won't restock them until after the holidays.

Oliver! The Musical

Specifically:  how I've been singing bits of songs from Oliver! backstage. Not during the show but before or after, as I set up or clean up. 

This invariably makes me think of Maria or the security guard I was in lust with from Dalton. I wish I hadn't been such a baby then, but I was and didn't know what to do about him. I don't even remember his name.

The Bug

Specifically: how I need to get it washed before my sister sees it tomorrow and stabs me for never cleaning off all the dust from my September trip up I-5.

My Grandfather

Every time I wear his old Carolina sweater, which is a lot.

Closing Weekend

Specifically: how am I going to navigate closing parties/drinking outings and have my family here?!

More specifically: how am I going to live without seeing Ruth, Lauren, Gary, Matt, Nate or Vana everyday?!?

Zo

Specifically: wondering how she's liking the snow east coast.

More specifically: wondering if two year olds miss people.

Going Home

Specifically: how I'm thrilled. And nervous. But mostly thrilled.