A Little Perspective

I have spent my whole life thinking that I wanted a baby. I still think this, and very often. But this week I have been house-sitting for an 8 week only puppy and I've now been thinking "yes, I want a baby but oh good god, not right now."
This might not seem like a shocking thought, considering that I am only 23 years old. But I have always (and by always, I mean since age 13) felt, deep down, that should I find myself in a situation where I could have a baby right now, I would do it. And I still feel that way... but having lived with this puppy, I realized I don't want to. Not now.
Eema (Iema? Eyma?) is a darling and I have loved getting to live with her, but she is also a full-time job. I can't leave the house for more than two or three hours at a time, I have to constantly watch her, I don't really trust anyone else to make sure she isn't choking herself on a rubber band, I have to wake up every three hours to take her outside to pee. I can't go out without worrying about her and I can't get anything done when I'm home with her. She bites me and she rips my clothes and chews on power cords and pees on the floor and... she's hard work. Really hard work. Any not anywhere near as hard as having a baby would be.
Maybe babies have just been on my mind because I re-read Operating Instructions and am now reading Some Assembly Required.  I don't know what it is, but realizing this has been kind of a... blow? I spend so much of my time pretending that I am older than I am, that sometimes I forget how stupidly young 23 still is. Yes, I am working and building a career and making life choices but I'm still only 23. I am not a real grown-up yet, no matter how much I puff up my chest and say I am. I am still selfish with my time and pouty when I don't get my way. I am too young to spend my whole night rocking a baby, I am young enough to resent losing that sleep.

So all of this is to say: thank you, Jason, for going out of town and giving me a little bit of perspective.