On: Surprises (Lear's Follies Tech - Day 2)

During one of our ten minute breaks tonight, I went on facebook and saw that Jessi had posted a picture of the SSC crew hoisting something into a tree to prep the glen. It really made me homesick.

I miss it, like, A TON.

Because I missed everybody so much I clicked on over to Claire's fb page and popped open my webcam. I threw my headset on, smiled big and gave a thumbs up. I captioned it "Missing you all today - Day 2 of "Lear's Follies" tech."
I tagged everybody I love at SSC (mostly SM staff) and posted it. Then my ten was over and  I went back to tech-ing.


Fast forward four hours and I am at home, working on a cue sheet for my designers. One of my SSC people "likes" the picture I'd posted and I click on the notification only to have my face, nice n' big, show up on my screen. And to my surprise! My winning smile? Barely even a smile at all! A grimace, really! I just kind of blinked at this image - the one I had seen only hours before as so cute and confident - and was, well, flabbergasted. 
I mean, look at this thing: 

This girl is not happy.

I eventually just busted out laughing, seeing some really first hand proof of how easily we can fool ourselves when we want to. I needed to believe that I was coming off confident and collected tonight, so that was how I saw myself. Even though the girl in that photo is clearly anything but. 

This picture actually reminds me a lot of another picture I took of myself not too long ago. 

Woah, Nelly. Them's some teeth.

I took this picture in the Pod at Bennington, on February 23rd, 2011. That is me, holding the first draft of my senior thesis (which later got a much better title, bee-tee-dubbs). I had spent almost a whole year reading, writing, researching, refining, polishing those 90-odd pages and I was finally turning it in and I took this picture to "celebrate" with facebook. My caption that was: "Bound and ready to go. I took this picture about ten times, trying to get a smile that looked happy and not terrified. Guess my emotions just seep through..."

I guess I just have a face like a pane of glass, don't I?